Today I’m BIG PIMPIN!!

Lets be honest here….I’m ALWAYS BIG PIMPIN!  Today I am especially BIG PIMPIN because I get to sport a new Lincoln Town Car.  The wifes car is in the shop getting routine maintenance done and it is going to take more than a day so they asked if I would be needing a rental for the weekend…..YES PLEASE.  I know its not all that, but I’m easily entertained so it really doesnt take much.  I dont mind pushing around in an old mans car for the weekend, we were thinking of a Charlotte run anyway.  I was surprised by how quiet this car is…and that has me thinking about just how loud mine is.  Oh well, mine is also probably half the cost. 

Getting back to Cycling for a moment….

Last night I rode 20 miles with the guys from Summit Cycles.  It is amazing the difference in terrain that 20 miles can make, because this 20 miles and the 20 miles with TCC (Tri-City-Cycles) are 2 TOTALLY different animals.  The Summit ride is full of hills that used me up and spit me out.  I’m supposed to go out again tonight with the TCC guys for another 20 miles, but I’m going to pass so I can spend quality time with my sweet, sweet lady.  Between cycling and her schedule, it seems like we haven’t seen each other is weeks and I REALLY miss her.  Tonight I think will be a movie night on the big screen where we can get some nice cuddle time.  I have the Bucket List on Blu-ray so it will be an uplifting evening…I hope.  Last time we watched ‘Before the Devil knows you’re dead’ and for some reason…it wasn’t as uplifting as one would think.  Oh well, I hope we get the quiet night together that we need….and maybe some hot tub time too.

Put jam in my ears, and call me sticky!

That has got to be one of my favorite sayings, a real attention getter.  I don’t remember where I heard it, but much like you are now…I remember thinking WTF while snickering.  Back when Paw-Paw (my grandfather on moms side) was in the hospital, he had a saying that I think he actually coined.  What he said was perfect and should be made into a country song.  I asked him “How you doing Paw-Paw?” to which he replied “Oh, I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in.”  He was always positive and seemed to be happy.  We would go out to eat and when the waitress would ask if would like dessert he would say something to the affect of “I guess I could rub it on me..”  Thinking back to those days always brings a smile to my face because he was a character for sure.  It is those influences that have helped make me who I am today.  For that I am grateful!

Last night we rode 20 miles….

and that is the norm for tuesdays and thursdays, HOWEVER tonight I am riding with the Summit Cycle group for another 20.  And then tomorrow nights 20 which will make this a pretty good week for me.  My legs are sore already so I sure I may be walking funny at work tomorrow.  It’s a good thing I have a computer job that I dont have to stand at all day.  Wish me luck and hopefully (haha) I will see you all tomorrow.

There really isnt very much else going on right now that I even want to talk about.  I did have a nice lunch today (Thanks Brad) where we went to subway (eat fresh) togo and went down to the river, found a shady picnic table and the 3 of us (Cheryl too) enjoyed the nice weather.  I found 2 envelopes and we got into a conversation on how people say different words.  I’ll save that for another day.

So many programs…so little time.

So, I apparently start a lot of sentences with so.  Just thought I would point that out.  So I dont have time to watch all the programs on tv that I want now.  Thankfully Ben Frankin invented the light bulb that gave light to the person that invented the DVR!   And now I have a DVR full of stuff to watch and the disk is full.  Now, think about this.  If I take the time to watch everything on the DVR to clean it off, then I will be missing some current programming which defeats the purpose of recording things in the first place.  Isn’t technology a pain in the @$$!  Its a vicious cycle I’m trapped in.  I need more time in the day, but I guess everyone feels the same way about that.  Maybe – and this is a longshot – just maybe I should just give up some shows….no that idea sucks.  Could you image giving up TV for a week?  Not so tough, a month…now those are fighting words.  How about a year? with no tv?  I really think after a few weeks it might be okay.  After all there is still the internet.  Then again people do it all the time.  Monks dont have TV..or internet service and they seem to get along just fine.  What about the Aborigines?  I dont think they would know a TV if it fell on them.  Then again technology may have made it to the far reaches of the earth by now and I am way off point.  Either way, I guess it is a matter of what I can do.  Giving up TV and internet is not it.  Lets face it.  It’s not going to happen for me.  Now I totally forgot what I was writing about in the first place.  Oh yes, DVR stuff… I’m bored with that now so I will probably leave it at that.

I am now a man with a pump!

WOOHOO!  The LBS called on Friday letting me know that my pump had arrived.  It is currently red and shiny for the moment….let be honest, it still has the tags on it too.  Come Tuesday I will break that puppy in proper.  Proper…that was very english of me   YOU WANKERS!!  Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.  After picking up my pump (which I have just dubbed “My Precious”) I went fathers day shopping for me.  What?  We have a dog   So to Kohls I went with my helper Kohle (what a coincidence).  I told him that we were going to his store to go shopping.  After an hour or so I came out with a few new articles ALL for me!  I dont shop much so this is a big deal for me.  Now I just have to go out on a Friday night where I can dress like a PIMP!  Okay, PIMP might be a touch strong….how about DEAD SEXY!!  Yeah BABY! 

Did anyone else notice how Friday the 13th used to be a lot more fun?  Heck, the day went by before I realized it was even the 13th.  Used to be all over the news talking about ‘If your superstitious you may want to stay in bed’.  I guess they just have more to talk about.  To celebrate, I took my wife out for date night.  I have had a Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse Gift Card for a while and decided it was high time we use it.  That and we now have one in Columbia.  When I got it, I was planning for us to go up to Charlotte.  This was my first time and I have to say that I was very happy with everything there.  Maybe it was the 2 Mojitos I had at the bar waiting for my wife to get there…who knows.  I thought the food was excellent.  I’m sure there is better out there somewhere, but this is my #2 experience. 

Sooooo, how you doin?

I’m much better today.  Yesterday was a ‘not so much’ kind of day.  In fact it sucked great big hairy testes, the kind that have been trapped up in the same drawers for 5 100 degree days straight!  Yep those kind.  So I havent been sleeping well the past few nights and between that and frustration I about lost it. 

It all started with morning coffee, I got a fresh cup and added my splenda, walked up to the 4th floor to snag some cream because we only have to powder stuff on mine.  Made my way back down to my desk and took that fate full first sip….YUCK!  I don’t know what I did to it, but it was horrible.  So like the genius I am, I took another sip to verify the first findings and sure enough…it hadn’t gotten any better.  FF to lunch time.

So we are getting geared up for lunch and it is me, my buddy Sammy (freshly back from Afghanistan) and Cheryl who I just love to death So Cheryl is not down in the lobby yet and I decide that it would be best for Cheryl to have a somewhat clean place to sit.  I give the order and Sammy and I go out to the car for some cleaning detail.  Nothing fancy, just toss everything (trash and crap) into the trunk.  Well the front tire to my bicycle in is the trunk (rest on the roof rack) and I pull it out and lean it on the back of the car because I didn’t want to stack a bunch of crap on it.  Sammy and open the doors and start hurrying to clean up.  I’m on the drivers side and he is on the passenger side.  I make my last trip back and Sammy closes the trunk, moves up to the back passenger door (4 door civic) and gets in….leaving the front passenger door open.  I tell him not to worry I will back up fast and hit the break causing the door to shut.  So I back up with quickness and hear a crunching rubbing sound and slam on the break, knowing what had happened.  I was like WTF!!!  NO NO NO @(@#(@$#(*(*#&$^%*(%(@(@*&#@&@((!)  Sammy shut the trunk and didn’t see/put the tire in the trunk before I backed over it.  Now I don’t blame him because I should have remembered to do myself, but now the skewer is at a 90 degree angle and I am LIVID!!  FF 20 seconds.

So we drive to the front of the building to get Cheryl who was late coming down and missed all of this.  We wait…and wait….I call her….and wait for what seemed like 5 minutes but was more like 1 because I am still pissed beyond belief.  She comes out bubbly and happy which annoyed me even more, gets in and we go to drop her off at the restaurant to order for us because Sammy had to go to the bike shop anyway and now…so do I.  FF to LBS.

I need to replace this bent skewer.  The brand new employee says “I can try and help you” 5 minutes later no luck and I am at level 10 now.  Not because of her (she is nothing but sweet) but because of the situation.  So after 10 minutes and only a $60 dollar solution I say no thanks and we leave.  Sammy got what he needed so I thought I would just try my shop that I bought the bike at.  FF to pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant.

I am now at Level 12, and we wip into the lot where there is covered parking and I ask Sam to get out and see if we can make it in.  So he gets out and looks at one side, and then the other and I am now Level 13.  So he notices the bike on the roof and seems kind of startledby it which makes it Level 14 now because I am witnessing this as it all unfolds.  I think I might have started twitching.  So he doesn’t think it is going to make it so I back up and swing into another spot at the back of the place.  I get out, slam the door and march up to the front of the place because we are now half way into lunch and I am frustrated beyond all belief….even more so.  As I try to double the steps, I trip and slam my knee in the concrete, jump up and want to crush something…ANYTHING!!!  If I could have turned in the hulk, it would have happened.  Level 27 now.  I reach for the door and push..no good because you have to pull.  28.  Now I am sitting in the booth half ready to cry out of frustration, but the food comes and we eat…I eat quietly.  FF to exit.

So we pile into the car and pull out of the parking lot which has a large hump that I had no problem clearing with just me and Sammy but Cheryl was the straw that broke the Camels back.  Weighing in at maybe 115lb the combination of her and Sammy on that side caused the car to scrape the crap out of the undercarriage and I just drove right on through it saying ‘It doesn’t F%CKING MATTER ANYMORE’ Level 29…of 10.

That is where I am going to leave yesterday.  I went home early because my knee was bleeding through my slacks and after the Adrenalin wore off it really started to throb.  I went to my bike shop and they fixed my wheel up for me and I went home and crashed.  I really think it was just exhaustion that got the better of me because I have not been that mad in forever.  Just for the record…I have no one to blame but myself, its just funny how somethings can snowball into a blizzard.

my quest for a bike pump

Hi I’m Jeff and I have no pump.  Talk about usless.  I have a headlight, blinking taillight, spare tube, tire tools, all in one bike swiss army knife lookin tool thing and a CO2 emergency 1 time pump.  BUT I have no everyday pump. You ask “Jeff couldnt you just go to WalMart and by a bicycle pump?” and it would be a valid question, unless you knew me.  Oh no, I have a genetic problem in my jeans called a wallet!  On some things yes I can go just get any old thing, but on others..things that are important and log serving..I subscribe to the thought of ‘Get it good the first time’ (which is also why I have floaties on and swim in debt).  So with that said, no I cant just go to WalMart and by a pump.  I wish I could, but I just cant.  I have to research and ask questions and pester the bike store people and ask more questions and pester some more people.  All this coming from a guy who just recently (friday infact) learned that you have to unscrew the little valve thing on top of the valve stem.  I know, I know….what an idiot.  BUT the important thing here boys and girls is that I learned from my mistake and have grown as a person because of it.  Now I too can properly inflate a tire to the recommended PSI.  So I went to the LBS (Local Bike Shop) and after much debate I have settled on a Specialized pump because they (the pump gurus that I have consulted) have assured me that it is infact better quality….that I am a product whore….and possibly a marketing whore.  So now I wait still pumpless for it to arrive.  I have a pump in theory, and technically, but just not literally.

POP…there goes my blogging virginity

I guess I should have left the “Hello World” part in there but in all honesty, who is really going to be reading blogs from a fat guy who rides a bicycle?  I’ll tell you who, some sicko pervert who is hoping I put a picture on here me because they have run out of things to put in there twisted fetish box.  You should be ASHAMED of yourselves….OR, and there is an or, it could be someone showing there kids the improper use of the English language and why it is important to stay in school because I will be the first to tell you…I can not spell and just noticed the spell checker so there is a glimmer of hope for that, now if I can find grammar helper button I will be invincible! 

So….I have recently gotten into cycling in a big way.  I dont have hope of Tour de France, if anything right now it is more like Tour de Make it Back to the Freakin Car.  I used to ride a mountain bike, but wasnt really into it at the time.  I had friends that were into it and I just suffered along with them.  Now I think I’m in a better place and with age (I’m 33) and family history (not pretty) that I feel like I should appreciate this time we have together, and I dont know…maybe even try to extend it! 

So….there you have it.  I am a fat cycle guy who wants to LIVE!  I have been riding seriously for about 2 months now and started out slow with 8 miles two nights a week.  Now I ride 20 miles twice a week….how about them apples?!?!  I have nowhere to go but up from here, and down to ‘Once a Fat Cycle Guy’ if I’m lucky.  I think I may be on to something here.  Anyway, I now enjoy riding.  I enjoy that 1.5 hours of me time where aside from a small rest at 9 miles, I am alone in my own world and happy to be me.